We here at Petit are intrigued by your perceptiveness. But we are also slightly perplexed. For in one sentence you state our furniture and design DOESN'T ALLOW one to see if the hotel is clean YET you proceed to contradict yourself no less than 3 words later asking those that read to believe you when you say our hotel is "dirty". Who are you? Some kind of magical being that can see through our elaborate plot to make people believe they are surrounded by cleanliness only to make fools of them with our 'very funky' aesthetic which hides the filth that lies beneath? Who are you? A Wizard? We demand to know your spirit animal name immediately or suffer the consequences in the 4th dimension. You have until midnight.

You must have stayed when we had our generally friendly staff rostered and not our helpful staff. It's a flip of a coin really. Our roster is made through an intricate game called Spin the Roster whereby we line up our staffs names in a circle, spin a bottle until all positions are filled for that day then move onto the next. Only we don't use a bottle at all. We imagine it. And we don't use anyone's real names because of GDPR and quite frankly, we love making up names. Like, right now we're referring to you as Rupert. Chances are it's not your name but at the same time it's a great name and gives us someone tangible to connect this review to. We see you in a striped sports jacket, cravat, beige pants and a monocle. We've kept you business like as it seems pleasure is not your forté. But that's fine Rupert. We are here to serve - but only when our 'helpful staff are rostered. Otherwise, it's a lottery. Thanks for taking the time to review us. We look forward to welcoming you back. But purely professionally. And if any of the staff show any pleasure to you during your next stay, please alert management as quickly as possible. Yours buisnessly, Petit Ermitage.

We do recommend that you don't actually 'feel' the furniture. It's very sensitive and talks to us on a regular basis about 'boundaries' with regard to guests touching it. But we do understand the temptation. We also spoke to the lighting in your room and concur that it is quite dim. For instance, it still thinks Reagan is President.