This was the worse vacation rental and the ad for the property is completely deceiving. The property is listed as a "Beach house" with roof top Jacuzzi also stating it has air condition. This is ALL UNTRUE, YES A LIE!!! To begin the beach is not accessible, due to the glass, razors blades, plastic forks, old rusted food cans, plastic bottles, old clothing, plastic bags, a tire with debris and trash in and around, old reef and several other things. All a hazard, and far from what I would call a clean beach area, this was directly in front of house. Because the property owner is so economical he has choose not to have the rocks and other debris removed, instead he made excuses saying that the current pushes up that much trash nightly. This was not true as I pointed out to him the same trash from Wednesday when I first arrived was still there Sunday. However, his wife disputed with me it was clean and it was cleaned ever day (clearly we have a different definition of clean, I don't call trash laying around clean). This was not even close to the main problem ... the property list in description to have air conditioning, it just DOES NOT WORK!!! I rented for 9 nights of which 7 DID NOT HAVE WORKING AC!!!!! Which I also asked him about prior to renting the Hell Hole and he claimed yes, it worked. The entire place has "1" fan and he never attempted in making any accommodations. Instead, he said "I know it's hot, because it went out on me and my wife and the next day I went and bought a new AC unit." Really!!!! The Jacuzzi is more like a cold tub the jets DO NOT WORK and it DOES NOT GET HOT!! Or ever warm. It's also covered with two tacky pieces of plywood boards that you have to take on and off if you want to use the cold tub. He will also say this works. Let's not forget the ants in bathroom, kitchen, and the spiders in bathroom and the bugs in the bedroom with the twin beds. The cabinet in other room is all broken up, neither of the drawers work. The shower curtain lining in the bathroom should have been replaced years ago along with the towels that feel like they have rocks in them. Also when you, IF you can get new towels the property manager will stand there and wait on you to gather up towels and give to her immediately (as if they would be stolen). And speaking of her she has very poor experience in dealing with people and although she is a nice lady she does not possess any people /management skills. The so called safe should not even exist, it's not attached to anything I could have brought that back with me. The Wi-Fi only works if you call and get permission for someone to turn it on. They also suggest that you pay $50.00 for parking, this is just another way to get money from you. You can park on the side of road just like everybody else and not pay one dime. And the dogs on the property are annoying and bark half of the night. Now here is the rest of the story: I dealt with him and his wife, both displaying extremely low levels of knowledge and just plan out no common sense. I spoke with the owner, property manager and they were both aware of these situations ALL OF THEM!!! I also asked him to put himself in my place and do the right thing in the amount that I should be refunded. I agreed to assist him in providing him with the proper divers to get beach cleaned, (of which he asked me for number twice indicates that he knows his property is a mess) I provided him with phone numbers, I doubt he uses. Carrying on, I also agreed NOT to make a post about his property if he handled right, instead he allowed his ignorant wife to yell and curse and me and make statement like, "this is Jamaica, I should expect things to happen". Another ignorant statement. As well he did not refund my money, however he did inform me of the financial problems and the cost of his daughter going to school in France, or where ever he said. Bottom line like I told him, I did not go on vacation to sit and speak with him about his troubles, and with all due respect I did not care. It's called vacation!!! I did not receive half of what was offered and if you rent here you will be lied to as well. He claimed he had just put in a new ac unit, his story changed many times. He is a straight out liar and does not take care of the property that he said he inherited from his father and his other family members were not helping like his brother and sister. So because he once again, broke his side of contact I posted only the truth about his property. I'm sorry it had to come to this but I asked to resolve this which he also lied and said that I only rented for 8 nights at $120.00 a night, but my statement says $135.00 a night for 9 nights. He also lied to Trip Advisor stating that he has refunded the additional monies this is also a LIE!!! So at this point, due to the aggravation and all of the other annoying foolishness I have had to deal with, I may as well go all the way. Mr. White you and Trip Advisor should be hearing from my lawyers soon. Thank you all for taking the time to read and I do hope that if you’re looking for a Hell of a Vacation full of B.S. and Bugs ...Rent Here!!! You won’t be disappointed!!! P.S. No cleaning service either for 9 nights really .... TERRIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, so I rented this Beach House from December 28-January 5 (inclusive) and although this review is long, I've gone to great lengths to ensure it’s both accurate and thorough.

If you prefer the illusion of security provided by sleeping security guards, maid service provided by individuals you've never met, seeing the “power drinkers” at a resort and conversing only with individuals you've met on your flight, then I suggest you skip this review and look at a resort.

If you are budget conscious and don’t mind saving money, making your own bed, cooking the occasional meal, and meeting locals then read on…..
The House: The house is exactly as shown. The owner (Neville) has clearly taken great pride in its building and upkeep and for Jamaican standards, it’s quite nice indeed. Now I’m from Canada and I’d equate it to a Cottage Rental north of the City. In fact, I've stayed at friends cottages that are not as nice.
I chose to rent the entire place and at the cost, it was a wise choice. Being an insomniac, my wife, daughter and “rented child” (brought down a friend of my daughters) could all sleep and I could use the lower unit to watch TV and make coffee during the wee hours of the morning.
The upper unit sleeps 4 in 2 bedrooms (1 Queen and 2 twin) and the lower unit sleeps 4 (2 queen) on an open concept. Plenty of hot water and I've stayed at resorts with less water pressure. Oh, BTW there are wall safes for use but I will not publically post where they’re located in each unit rather, I’ll leave that to Neville to tell you.

The Location: you’re about 20km east of Ochos Rios (maybe 20 minutes) and about 50km west of Mo Bay (about 45 minutes) so really, it’s a great location if you want to get out and “do the island”. A car rental is strongly advised and I rented a Mitsubishi Lancer from Budget for 8 days for $450USD and saved a lot of money. Given that a taxi is about $40pp from the Airport I saved $320 alone there (return trip). Dunn’s River Falls (Ochos Rios) is about $100pp if you’re at a resort but only $20 if you drive yourself so I saved another $320 so right there, I more than paid for the rental. Also, this gave us the freedom to go wherever we wanted and whenever we wanted to do so.
There’s a neighbor (Rico, great guy! More about him later under locals) that will allow you to park within his gated and secure house. A gratuity ($40 or $50 would be the right thing to do). I did pretty well the entire north side of the Island but didn’t go into the mountains (and I’m kicking myself for not doing so). Remember, they drive on the left and some drivers are overly cautious and others are simply wacko….

Shopping (& Groceries): Paulette, the property manager lives in a place adjacent to the house and she owns a little store up on the road (The Little Shop) that’s good for emergency needs but is also a wealth of information. It’s also a gathering place for locals and transplants as well. There’s a place in Mo-Bay called “Mega Mart” that’s a lot like a Price Club or for us Canadians, Costco. Pretty well has just about everything but milk sells out quickly so it’s best to go early. There’s also a new place on Ochos Rios that looks very clean and new but the name escapes me. You can find souvenirs anywhere so I won’t even go there. I brought down a couple pounds of frozen bacon, cereal, some instant rice and pringles chips and by the time I arrived (8 hours door to door) the bacon was just starting to thaw so choose what to bring depending on your flight time. There’s also a local Supermarket about a 5 minute walk to the west and it’s augmented by a lot of local street vendors (sugar cane, bananas, peppers, onions, plantain, coconuts, pineapples and that kind of thing). Remember, most of everything is a bit pricey and to get an idea, google Mega Mary or Hi-Low Supermarkets in Jamaica to get an idea.

Safety and Pot: Let’s face it, it’s Jamaica. There’s a lot of pot and it’s not my cup of tea so I simply said I was a police officer and they left me alone. The area is safe and the police station is a couple of miles away but just like everywhere else, use common sense. Both units (upstairs and downstairs) are quite secure with bars on the windows but again, tastefully done. Again, Paulette is right next door as well.

Dining and Nightlife: Great food everywhere and Paulette even hosted a Jerk BBQ one night (outstanding). There’s the Ultimate Jerk to the east by Green Grotto Caves (a nice tour and they filmed a James Bond movie there) and Sharkies to the west but the best Jerk is to be had at the “pop-up Jerk BBQ’s”. They appear every now and then (& gone just as quickly as they came) and it’s almost like a competition to see who has the best Jerk. They take great pride in their cooking and is a “must try”. Bars, well that’s up to you but again, use common sense.

The Locals: I made a lot of new friends that I’d like to stay in touch with. Paulette; a sweetheart who is always willing to help (sidebar, like Rico earlier, a gratuity is the right thing to do). Rico, one of the nicest guys you’ll meet. Claudia and her husband (German couple that winter long term at Rico’s) are very nice and provide a European perspective on things. Again, just head up to the “little Shop” for some good conversation and a drink. There is one spooky looking guy that apparently used to be one of the most promising artists on the island but sadly, he got mixed up with drugs and is now a homeless mess and although he may look spooky, he’s harmless and is “shooed” away quickly. Pogie is kind of jack of all trades that maintains the property and although a little difficult to understand, he’s always willing to help.

The Waterfront and Beach: The front is covered in sand and is fine for sunning but the water’s not really swimmable due to coral augmented by the fact that the wind blows from the north east and seaweed, rocks and plastic wash up nightly. With that being said; there is a rooftop hot tub kind of thing but Neville is also a member of a Club that has a private Beach down the road (20 minute walk but 2 minutes by car) and it’s quite nice. Beach lounging chairs can be rented for $200 Jamaican ($2) per day but again, with a car you can go anywhere.

Cellular and Wifi: If your kids are like all others, internet access (data) is a must and an all you can eat digital plan can be had for $20 + $5 (sim card fee but make sure that your phone can accept one of the larger sim’s otherwise they’ll cut it to size for you) at the Digicel store in Mo Bay down by Doctor’s Cave but Neville can get you directions.

A couple of Must-Do’s: Margaritaville in Mo Bay. Expensive but worth it and wear a bathing suit (you'll understand why once you're there). Dunn’s River Falls (Ochos Rios), Green Grotto Caves (neat), Negril, that’s a day trip but worth it and Doctor’s Cave in downtown Mo Bay.

Duty Free at the Airport: No real bargains to be had I’m sorry to say. Oh, have a bite before you go or you can enjoy your $8USD hamburger.

The Owner: I found the owner (Neville, from Canada) to be quite easy to deal with and most willing to make sure that your stay is enjoyable. Remember, things are tough to get on the island and small gestures like offering to bring something that is needed down would be greatly appreciated.

Summary: It’s EXACTLY what I expected and like anything else, it’s what you make of it. Given that I was down over New Years, I saved a few thousand over a resort. I’d recommend it for those that want to enjoy the sun at a reasonable cost.

Remember, its island speed and everything “Soon Come” so be patient.
Overall, good value for your dollar.

I hope you find this of use.

My boyfriend & I stayed for 3 days for a wedding. I'm not going to lie, I was a bit nervous of the area, but it is actually quite safe. You don't get harassed like you do in the touristy areas. There's a little store where you'll meet Paulette. She takes care of the units & will help you with anything you need. We stayed in the upper unit. One thing you need to know is that this unit has NO AIR CONDITIONING & this is one of the main reasons why I booked this place. It states that it has air conditioning, but the lower unit has it. It was hot & humid & I couldn't really blow dry my hair & I was attending a wedding, but at night there was that tropical breeze. We even had our door open for a breeze & nobody bothered us. The inside is decorated nicely & is very clean. There was some things that need to be looked over such as the shower pressure is low unless you want scalding hot water on you then it's fine. The dressers need hangers in them & although the view is beautiful, there was some trash along the fence along with a gas can. Two major things you should know....one is that there are wild dogs that roam on the beach & there is one on the property. He's friendly, but won't approach you. He actually protects you believe it or not. The one night we had our door wide open & he slept outside of it, never came in. If you want to sleep in, dogs barking will wake you up. The second thing is that the beach is not swimmable at all, but I learned from a local that there's a beach to the right where you can go snorkeling. Again, we only stayed for 3 days & weren't there much, but everyone there was friendly & they are making the roof into a rooftop deck which I'm sure will be beautiful.